I've been saying for a while that I wanted to start blogging again, so here I am. I am ticking things off my long list of things I need to do to get my life in order, and this has been an avoided point for a while! As you all know, I hate technology, and it hates me.
This is my first post, so I want it to mean something. I have recently decided to publish a book of poetry, poems from my whole life. I have written poems since I first experienced death when I was nine or ten years old, so there's a lot to wade through. I only ever wrote poetry when I was struggling with something; I used it as a coping mechanism. I actually helped a buddy of mine write a song which he and his band still perform to this day- it's pretty blood awesome! This ties into Mental Health Awareness week very well because it is basically a look inside the worst parts of my life and the ways I chose to cope. It definitely isn't a book you'd be buying your mum for mother's day!
I've never shared any of this with anyone, so I'm bloody terrified. Writing a book is scary enough, but laying out the darkest pieces of your soul leaves you feeling vulnerable and exposed. I know that I have made choices throughout my life that aren't good, and I have acted on impulsivity, so I will be sharing that too. I'm pretty nervous, but I am a chronic over-sharer!
I have been struggling with my mental health lately, but I've been keeping my head above water. I made a choice a while ago to stop my anxiety meds, and I don't regret that choice at all, but it's not easy. I have coping mechanisms that largely involve getting outside and walking it off. Unfortunately, my body doesn't always cooperate, and I am stuck in bed. Long story short, I have to be off my MS/Lupus/Rheumatoid arthritis medication for three months before I can have my first Covid vaccination, and it's kicking my ass. So, my normal coping mechanism of walking doesn't always work. Being stuck in the house drives me bananas sometimes; I often find myself up at 3 am cooking or cleaning. I am taking it one day at a time, though. I haven't seen my sister or my mum since 30th December 2019.... 502 days. I hate it. I miss them.
I would drown if I didn't have my writing; it keeps me sane. I'm also incredibly grateful to the very few people I let get close to me who will talk to me in the wee hours of the morning when I'm up and at a loose end. It's important to have a tribe.
This year will have a few exciting twists and turns for me, and I will have some awesome news around October this year! (no, I'm not bloody pregnant before anyone asks!).
I'm happy to be able to share parts of my life that I've previously hidden and take you all along for the journey with me.
Thank you all for supporting my mad dreams of being an author, and thank you for reading this! You know I can talk for England (and Scotland!).
I'll try and update once every week.... try being the keyword!
L x