Twice in one month...

Someone recently asked me how I come up with the men I write in my books, and I realised that I've never really explained it. I wrote Luna's Prophecy during a horrible time in my life. I was very sick; I had yet to be diagnosed with most of my illnesses. I also lived in a loveless relationship. It took me a long time to be able to say I never loved my ex-husband; guilt is a strange thing. Somehow me admitting that I never loved him meant I was a monster. It took me a long time to get past that. Fear and guilt are stronger than prison bars. So, when I wrote Amon, I wrote the man I needed. He was the ultimate protector. Luna was his universe, and he would move heaven and Earth to make her feel safe and loved. Amon loved Luna before she even knew he existed; it was the definition of an epic love story. That series took me a few years to finish and took me up to the later parts of my relationship. I didn't begin writing Forbidden until my marriage was over and I was a single woman. I grieved my failed relationship long before it actually ended. I knew I was in an incredibly unhealthy relationship, but I had also convinced myself that I'd chosen my path, and it was set in stone. I remember having the idea for Forbidden. Melody was the first thing that popped into my head. She was outspoken, filled with fire, rejected from society, loyal to those she loved and fiercely independent. I wrote her character traits and began noticing that they were the things I once considered the worst parts of myself. Then I wrote Roman. To me, Roman was everything I was avoiding. I didn't want a man in my life. I was ashamed of my divorce and was terrified to be close to anyone again. Men had hurt me in the worst ways; I didn't want that again. My heart wouldn't take another shattering, and neither would my body. Melody fought with Roman and tried to ignore him with every part of her. Luna needed Amon; Melody didn't need Roman. That was the difference. I loved the fiery nature Melody had, and I even loved her stubborn attitude. Melody is the person I never thought I would be, the person my ex-husband locked away. I've been told that she is too cocky and too arrogant, and she is; I agree entirely. I advocate for her and will never change her because she is me. She is the woman who was locked away for ten years.

I never mean to write my main characters as me, but they inadvertently have my traits. I have told countless people that Melody is the worst parts of myself. I say this because the worst parts of myself are the parts that took the longest for me to love. I am stubborn, firey, overly confident when I feel like I'm right, and I will get myself involved in a situation to fight in the corner of someone who needs it. Melody is everything my ex-husband hated about me, and I absolutely love her. I am the woman who prefers to walk around barefooted, pick wildflowers and embrace everything that makes me different. My ex-husband wanted the wife of an accountant who had no quirks. I tried, I really tried. Melody is my soul, and the right people love me despite my uniqueness.

I write epic love stories where the love consumes the two characters. I don't write frilly, fluffy and pink romances. I write bone-touching, heartbreaking, soul grabbing love stories that will drag you through every emotion.

Are my stories for everyone? Absolutely not.

When everyone wanted a Disney prince, I wanted a love like Gomez and Morticia. I wanted something that consumed me. I wanted to be loved with every fibre of a person's being because that is how I love.

My characters are all created from a place that I can't explain. Every supporting character is created with traits that I love and loath about people in my life. I write male best friends because my best friend was a male for most of my life. I write the villains I write because of how I've been hurt. I write love the way I do because I won't settle for anything less.

I am grateful that some of my favourite people have been immortalised.

I have no shame in saying that I saw several therapists after I divorced my ex-husband, as well as trauma councillors, support workers and everything else in between. I was broken and looking for someone to fix me. Nothing worked for me. Talking about my marriage and the trauma that went on in my marriage brought nothing but panic attacks. I thought this would be my life forever. I quit therapy and felt like I had failed once again. The best advice I got was from my best friend. She told me that I had mistaken shared trauma for compatibility for ten years. From that moment, I never felt guilty again. She was right. I was able to say it for the first time- I never loved him, ever. I started writing Forbidden that night, and the rest is history.

Write your characters with as many of your traits as you want; they're your characters!

Will everyone like them? Nope.

Not many people like me, though. I am awkward, damaged, unable to keep friendships and set in my ways. But, the ones that stick around and love me despite all of my faults are priceless.

I'm excited to share more of my characters with you all, and I can't wait to read the ones you create.

L

x